Cancer as a Way to the Spiritual
by Belinda Rimer

When a serious and potentially life-threatening illness such as cancer is diagnosed, we experience crisis.  Our carefully constructed and ordered world may temporarily collapse.  Not only do we have to deal with the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of the disease, but we may find ourselves seriously questioning what we were taught through our religious institutions.  Through conventional religion, we may have been taught and believed that if we lived a good and righteous life and obeyed God's laws, that God would in turn be just and fair and would reward us with a long, prosperous, and healthy life. 

Like Job of the Old Testament, we may begin to question God's goodness or omnipotence or may feel singled out and guilty even though we have lived according to what we believed to be God's will.  Our circle of friends, like Job's, may subtly suggest that if we had been living in a holy and righteous way, we wouldn't be ill.  If we become ill, then God must be punishing us.  In addition to fear and physical discomforts, a real spiritual crisis may also come- one in which we find that our old ways of believing don't work.  We may feel abandoned by God, unloved, and that we have been let down by the One we were told and believed would protect us.

A crisis is ultimately a means of re-adjustment and an opportunity for growth in new and unexplored ways.  Through difficulty and doubt, uncertainty and upheaval, old habits and beliefs are shaken loose and shattered.  This tearing down process can be very painful but is necessary if transformation is to occur.  We may find it to be the catalyst to exploring new ways of being with God - and a new relationship beyond thought and belief.  We may find ourselves changing as we become more introspective and as we ponder, perhaps for the first time, what life is really about and what is ultimately most important.   We may find our selves becoming more spiritual.

Spirituality doesn't attempt to answer the theological questions of "Why?" but connects us directly and intimately with the Source of all Life.  Through this heart-centered connection we find enhanced enjoyment of each moment, hour, and day that we are given.  We become more committed to living in the "present moment" . . . to finding joy in the rising and setting of the sun, moon, and stars  . . . to finding serenity through solitude, silence, and prayer  . . . to finding comfort in the seasons unfolding leaf by leaf. . . to finding beauty through nature, music, art, and poetry. . . and to finding love through others. We find our relationship to God isn't dependent on doctrine, intellectualization, and concepts of God but rather to the experience of God's presence in and through all of creation.  We become aware of the many blessings that we've been given and less concerned with what we don't have.  We find that we are able to "make do" with much less outwardly as our inner lives expand.  We simplify our lives, concentrating our energies only on what is closest to our heart.  Living in the present moment, we don't dwell on the past with guilt, anger, or longing or look into the future with fear or anxiety. 

We learn that we have a choice of how we are to respond to this "crisis".  We can choose to be angry or turn the pain into the joy of living each moment fully and with purpose.  We can choose to be bitter or we can become more compassionate, sensitive and loving to those around us.  We may never understand "Why me?", but we will have found instead a rock-solid and authentic connection to God and others that will enable us to be a blessing. And we may find that being God's blessing to others is what life is all about.